Q: When do you pay a visit to your family’s graves in the States?
(*In Japan, we have a custom of paying a visit to our family’s graves and praying on their memorial days or during the Bon holidays and Higan week.)
A: In short? We really don’t.
The most common religion in the US is Christianity, and Christianity expressly forbids the worship of ancestors .
Because of this, we have an odd response to death and the dead – most Westerners fear death and the dead, and would never want a holiday that invites our dead ancestors into our homes!
We also do not commonly have family graves. Each person is buried in their own grave, and these graves may not be in the same location. The fee we pay to be buried in a cemetery covers routine maintenance of the site, so there is no need to visit if we don’t want to. The US is very large, and family members may not even be able to afford to visit the grave of a family member.
When a grave is visited depends on the family. People who are recently deceased tend to receive more visits, as the grief of their loved ones is fresh. Sometimes families will bring flowers to the grave of a person on their birthday. The graves of children tend to be visited more often than those of adults, and we might see toys and photos left behind by visitors. Some people never go to the grave site at all after the funeral, and choose to remember their loved one privately.
The only real “mass” grave visit in the US is Memorial Day. When someone who was a member of the military dies, their family (or sometimes a local veterans group) may visit the grave on Memorial Day. At this time, we often see American flags planted on the graves of deceased soldiers. This is seen as a sign of respect for and gratitude to the fallen soldier for their sacrifice.
（和訳）
Q：米国ではお墓参りに行くの？
A: 端的に言うと、私たちはお墓参りしないの。
米国で最も一般的な宗教はキリスト教で、キリスト教でははっきりと祖先崇拝を禁じているの。このため私たちは死や死者に対して変わった反応をするわーたいていの欧米人は死や死者を恐れていて、亡くなった祖先を家に招き入れる祝日を持ちたがらないわ。
家族のお墓というのも一般的でないの。各個人が自分のお墓に埋葬されて、それは家族と同じ場所でないかもしれないの。墓参したくないならその必要がないように。埋葬費用には日ごろの墓地のメンテナンスも含まれているの。米国はとても大きいから、家族のお墓に行く余裕がないかもしれないわね。
いつお墓に行くかはその家族によるわ。最近亡くなった人のところには、愛する人を亡くした悲しみが癒えないので来訪者が多い傾向にあるわね。故人の誕生日に花を供する家族もあるわ。子供のお墓は大人よりもたくさん来ていると思うわ。来訪者が置いたおもちゃや写真をよく見ることがあるわね。葬儀の後、一度もお墓に行かず自分の中で愛する人を想うことを選ぶ人もいる。
米国で唯一大勢がお墓に行くのはメモリアルデーだけね。軍にいた人が亡くなると、その家族（または地域の退役軍人グループ）がメモリアルデーにお墓に行くかもしれないわね。このとき、亡くなった兵士のお墓に星条旗が掲げられているのをよく見るわ。これは自らを犠牲として亡くなった兵士への敬意と感謝の印だと見られているわ。
